True Color Cultivator

 

Commissioned by kampmichi.  Thanks to Akane and kingbobman for beta reading and additional contributions.

The image I used is of Iris, an OC belonging to aemu1008 on Twitter.  All persons depicted are fictitious, not owned by me, and above the age of 18.

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TRANSCRIPT:
I became a Cultivator just earlier today: one who trains in the martial and mystical arts, cultivating qi to attain unfathomable power. Sounds like a fun hobby, right? Apparently some people are really serious and dedicated about it, though their results don't really reflect that. It's been something like half a day since I started, but people who've been working at it non-stop for nearly a decade are still in the Qi Condensation stage--not even immortal yet! I don't get it. How could one study qi for even a few seconds and not realize what it's truly capable of? Am I just that good or is everyone else incapable of critical thinking? Well, I suppose the infinite qi my body generates at all times helps out, but I can't exactly share that. I did actually try it once, but my qi wound up flooding the Lower Realms in milliseconds, turning it into an unstable mess! I was able to revert it, but it's frustrating how fragile everything down there is!
It's all so simple. Like how red, green, and blue lights can blend together to produce a unique color, the five phases of the Wuxing--fire, water, wood, metal, and earth--blend to form any element I desire. To clarify, when I say "element", I mean every application of the term and beyond: the Wuxing, the classical elements, the chemical elements on the periodic table, even the elements of a mathematical set. That may sound ridiculous to you, but think of it like this: the screen you're reading my words on manipulates shades of red, green, and blue into 16,777,216 unique colors. Your eyes and brain are extremely limited in how many colors you can perceive compared to the decillions that actually exist. If qi is white light, then I'm a prism, manipulating its five phases into a rainbow bent to my will, amplifying some elements and suppressing others to achieve literally any goal I desire. Given that, you may be wondering why I haven't just ascended to total omnipotence already. To tell you the truth, I've been lazing around lately... though if any of my "peers" learned that, they'd throw a fit for sure!
Speaking of, it's not exactly a walk in the park being so far beyond them. Many of them fear, envy, or even hate me, often to the point of wanting to confront me, murder me, attempt to steal my power, and so on. Of course, none of them have any chance of success. I don't want to kill my self-proclaimed "rivals"--ha, I'm still not used to having rivals yet--so I just make sure they're sufficiently humbled so they focus on their own improvement instead of sabotaging my own. I've found that letting them go all out on me, unleashing enough raw power to destroy and recreate entire realms, only to find I dozed off in that time does the trick nicely. If I told them I routinely use that much power a few vigintillion times over to masturbate, they'd probably faint... or worse. It's probably best they believe I'm still bound by linear time too, at least for now. You can keep a secret, right?
Hey, maybe I should try ascending into your realm! I know you've fantasized about letting an omnipotent goddess have her way with you before!